Merry Meet

Greetings friends! I have tried this whole blogging thing many many times over the years, and I can never quite bring myself to stick to it the way that I should. But awhile ago I was watching a favorite movie of mine, the always wonderful Julie and Julia and it got me thinking. I have time to kill right now, and I believe that I have thoughts that may interest others, plus I love to write and it's something I haven't done in a very very long time.

I hope this blog will be a way for me to chronicle my journey both with horses and with my spiritual side as well. It will be a story of sorts, a way to put all of my thoughts and feelings down, as well as to inspire others like me. Equestrians who don't quite feel like they belong in the horse world, and pagans/wiccan/witches who are afraid to come out of the broom closet and be judged. This is a safe space and I look forward to meeting all of you.

Hopefully this won't end up being just me talking to myself and then forcing my boyfriend to read each entry to make me feel better. I truly do hope that I can help and inspire others like me, those that may be a little offbeat, who don't fit into the prescribed box of what an equestrian should be. Individuals who just want to be able to love horses without letting little things like weight, or anxiety or fear, or feelings of inadequacy get in the way.

All I have ever known in my life is that I love horses. I knew it from the time I was 2 and sat on a rocking horse for the first time. My poor parents tried to steer my interests elsewhere, enrolling me in gymnastics, tap dancing lessons, karate and so on. But the horses stole my heart from the begining and never gave it back. 

Showing Journey, a chestnut quarter horse, when I was 8 or 9

At one point my mother informed me that I would have to choose between the horses or gymnastic lessons (I really did love those too) but naturally the horses won. I think my parents always knew that I would spend my life with horses. When I was 2 or 3 I was at my dads company picnic. Apparently at the bottom of a hill there where pony rides. According to my mother, when I saw the ponies I ran away from her and down the hill, the whole time yelling "Need to ride the pony!". Yupp! It has always been horses.

My journey with horses hasn't been easy by any means, I was the chubby kid, the freakishly tall kid, the one who had to stand in the top row center for class pictures, because calling attention to the fact that I towered above the rest of the kids my age was great for my developing self esteem. Even when it cam to the horses I was fat shamed from a very young age even though I didn't realize it then. My first trainer was a great teacher and I learned a great deal from her, but she had a very specific boxed version of what an equestrian should look like and I did not by any means fit into that box. 

Me and Flash when I was 10 or 11

I was brought up to her house to be weighed in the middle of lessons, forced to ride only the big stocky quarter horses and drafts even when they were to hard for my skill level because I needed something "big enough" for me. I was told that I would never be able to move passed a certain level because of my size and that maybe I should consider a career outside of horses. Despite all of that I rode at that farm with that trainer for 12 years until I left for college. 

Phoenix, my very first horse, when I was 16

While scars fade, the never fully heal and to this day part of me believes that that first trainer was right, that someone like me can't succeed in this industry. The trick is, I ignore that part of myself, because shes wrong and I am more then capable of making a life with the animals that I love because it's what makes me happy, it's what I'm passionate about and if you love something and I mean really really love something the way that I love horses, then you can succeed at it! The only thing that will stop you, it you.