Molly Mules and Appaloosa Angels

Where in this world can man find nobility without pride, Friendship without envy, Or beauty without vanity? Here where grace is served with muscle and strength by gentleness confined. He serves without servility; he has fought without enmity. There is nothing so powerful, nothing less violent. There is nothing so quick, nothing more patient. ~Ronald Duncan, "The Horse" 1954 

 

This world we live in is strange. Things happen that we can't explain. We lose those we love and then find love again in other places. It's a never ending cycle. It's quite amazing that humans are so capable of opening up their grieving hearts to new possibilities even though they may have been broken countless times before. When you lose someone you love beyond measure it's not uncommon to look for that soul in others, and when you make a similar connection it's quite amazing.

When I was 16 I got my very first horse. A beautiful red Appaloosa named Phoenix. He was old, and creaky, and stubborn and absolutely perfect. Phoenix was truly my first soulmate in life, I trusted him without doubt, I told him everything. That horse knew me better then anyone else in my life ever had up to that point. I had never experienced a bond before like the one I had with Phoenix. We would show, and jump, and go for long summer bareback rides. It never occurred to me to be nervous when riding him, he was my best friend, and the last horse I would ever be 100% confident on for a very very long time. 7 or 8 years after Phoenix came into my life I had to make a choice, he was getting older, I needed a younger horse, and it was time for Phoenix to go somewhere that he could help someone else as much as he'd helped me. I gave him to a good friend of mine who was in need of a confidence builder. The day they picked him up I broke down. I cried for days, I just wanted him back, I thought I had made a horrible mistake. But I was the owner of a brand new 4 year old percheron cross mare, and Phoenix was with someone I trusted completely and in the end it all worked out.

3 years ago, at the age of 30, Phoenix was laid to rest. It was his time, but there is not a day goes by that I don't think about that horse, he was my first heart horse, and I truly believed that I would never love a horse that much again, a piece of my heart died with Phoenix that day and I never imagined that I would gain it back.

Then in October of 2015 I was on facebook looking at the horses that were available in a kill pen in Pennsylvania. These animals only had 48 hours to be bailed out or they would ship off to slaughter. While scrolling though the many sad, neglected equines, one really caught my eye. She was a big molly (female) mule. She looked under nourished, very sore, and had the saddest eyes I had ever seen in my life. While I had been looking for a mule, an unknown rescue from a kill pen wasn't exactly what I had been looking for, but I couldn't stop going back to her pictures. The expression in her eyes made me want to cry, she needed me. One call to the auction house and $700 later she was mine. I couldn't help but wondering what I had gotten myself in to..

On November 8th 2015, 2 years to the day that Phoenix was laid to rest, my new mule (now named Sabrina) arrived. She was completely indifferent to me. She was a sore, scared, and angry animal. She would sooner run me over then let me do anything with her. I questioned my decision to buy her so many times in those first couple of month that I had her. But eventually something changed, somewhere along the line she began to trust me, and once a mule trusts a person there is nothing that animal won't do for you.

Today... today I didn't something that I never thought I would do again. Something I have only done on Phoenix. I got on Sabrina with no saddle, with no bridle, and with no fear. This is crazy world. And I have absolutely no doubt in my heart or in my mind that Sabrina was sent to me by Phoenix. He knew that I needed her and that she needed me, and somehow he sent her into my life and into my heart.

Bareback was our favorite way to ride

Sabrina the day I brought her home

Phoenix the summer after I got him

Bareback and brideless on Phoenix

Bareback and Bridleless on Sabrina today

Merry Meet

Greetings friends! I have tried this whole blogging thing many many times over the years, and I can never quite bring myself to stick to it the way that I should. But awhile ago I was watching a favorite movie of mine, the always wonderful Julie and Julia and it got me thinking. I have time to kill right now, and I believe that I have thoughts that may interest others, plus I love to write and it's something I haven't done in a very very long time.

I hope this blog will be a way for me to chronicle my journey both with horses and with my spiritual side as well. It will be a story of sorts, a way to put all of my thoughts and feelings down, as well as to inspire others like me. Equestrians who don't quite feel like they belong in the horse world, and pagans/wiccan/witches who are afraid to come out of the broom closet and be judged. This is a safe space and I look forward to meeting all of you.

Hopefully this won't end up being just me talking to myself and then forcing my boyfriend to read each entry to make me feel better. I truly do hope that I can help and inspire others like me, those that may be a little offbeat, who don't fit into the prescribed box of what an equestrian should be. Individuals who just want to be able to love horses without letting little things like weight, or anxiety or fear, or feelings of inadequacy get in the way.

All I have ever known in my life is that I love horses. I knew it from the time I was 2 and sat on a rocking horse for the first time. My poor parents tried to steer my interests elsewhere, enrolling me in gymnastics, tap dancing lessons, karate and so on. But the horses stole my heart from the begining and never gave it back. 

Showing Journey, a chestnut quarter horse, when I was 8 or 9

At one point my mother informed me that I would have to choose between the horses or gymnastic lessons (I really did love those too) but naturally the horses won. I think my parents always knew that I would spend my life with horses. When I was 2 or 3 I was at my dads company picnic. Apparently at the bottom of a hill there where pony rides. According to my mother, when I saw the ponies I ran away from her and down the hill, the whole time yelling "Need to ride the pony!". Yupp! It has always been horses.

My journey with horses hasn't been easy by any means, I was the chubby kid, the freakishly tall kid, the one who had to stand in the top row center for class pictures, because calling attention to the fact that I towered above the rest of the kids my age was great for my developing self esteem. Even when it cam to the horses I was fat shamed from a very young age even though I didn't realize it then. My first trainer was a great teacher and I learned a great deal from her, but she had a very specific boxed version of what an equestrian should look like and I did not by any means fit into that box. 

Me and Flash when I was 10 or 11

I was brought up to her house to be weighed in the middle of lessons, forced to ride only the big stocky quarter horses and drafts even when they were to hard for my skill level because I needed something "big enough" for me. I was told that I would never be able to move passed a certain level because of my size and that maybe I should consider a career outside of horses. Despite all of that I rode at that farm with that trainer for 12 years until I left for college. 

Phoenix, my very first horse, when I was 16

While scars fade, the never fully heal and to this day part of me believes that that first trainer was right, that someone like me can't succeed in this industry. The trick is, I ignore that part of myself, because shes wrong and I am more then capable of making a life with the animals that I love because it's what makes me happy, it's what I'm passionate about and if you love something and I mean really really love something the way that I love horses, then you can succeed at it! The only thing that will stop you, it you.